Letting Go

I've never known it before. But right now, I can tell you that saying goodbye and letting go are indeed the hardest. Especially when you know that you are not going to see that person again; at least not in this lifetime.

Maybe it's just me, but I realise that I seem to take things for granted too much. I have never thought about the 'what if's', and what the future might hold. Maybe I always believed that things would stay the same forever and ever. How naive of me.

I took the fact that I had all 4 of my grandparents around for granted.

1 of them, I live with, and whom I see everyday of my life.

Another lives nearby, and I see very frequently.

The other 2 stays further away, and I only get to see them once a year.

I guess I just never thought about what would happen if they left. Though I know that everyone passes on, I never really thought about what it would mean to me.

But when I left home for studies, I seldom went home. And so, I saw less and less of my paternal grandparents.

I may have frequented my maternal grandparents home more times than I had previously, but was that really enough??

And now, my paternal grandma and my maternal grandpa has left this earthly world.

I was not there when they passed on.

Always, I wonder.

Would it have made a difference if I was with them when they left?

Then they would at least have someone accompanying them.

Was I a filial and good grandchild?

Did I meet their expectations?

Regret after regret come bombarding.

What if I was a better person?

What if I visited more often?

What if I was there?

And that makes saying goodbye all the harder.

But when they are lowered into their final resting places, you know that there is just no other way. No other way than to bid the final goodbye, and let them go. To let them be free, and for them to move on to the Gates of Heaven, to meet with God and the angels awaiting them. A place where they would feel no hunger, experience no sorrow. A place where they would finally be free; free from suffering and pain.

With that thought, I can finally let go now.

Goodbye, Grandma.

Goodbye, Grandpa.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy your life now. You definitely deserve it.

New new new

New sem. New changes. New groups. New people.

BIG headache.

I remember when I first entered med school. The thought that I was going to be stuck here for 5 whole years scared the shit out of me, and my reaction was to just run. From the course, from the university, from the people there.

But then, along the way, I got used to everything. I settled down just great. When I got it into my head that this is where I'm going to be for the next 5 years, and that these bunch of people who were my groupmates were going to be there with me all through that 5 years, I guess I just accepted that fact.

And see where it got me.

I am happy and contented with my group. Hmmm.. maybe not so when it comes to 2 seconds (uh, yeah, that's what we call him. The super kiasu and selfish guy.), but I can honestly say that I love (the rest of) my groupmates. Every one of them.

We practically did everything together. We were in the same group for PBLs, tutorials, clinical skills, HEP, Law, clinical site visits, lectures.......... We even had lunch together, went for movies together etc. Of course, not everyone can make it each time, but we did spend most of our time together. Until the point that the rest of our course mates were practically strangers to us. Ah, in case I forget later, 2 seconds has never joined us unless necessary, and has never shown any inclincation to do so.

Now, with the start of a new sem, though we were still in the same group for clinical skills, we were split up for PBLs and other stuff. Somehow, most of us are unable to get used to our new groups. We all seem to find fault with our new groupmates. We feel like the outcasts in our new groups, with everyone being super duper smart and hardworking, not to mention those kiasu ones. We were reduced to just sitting there and keeping our mouths shut, as there isn't even any need of our presence in the group, what more our opinions.

We were added into new PBL groups. But most of us who complained about our new groups did not feel like joining the new groups, and were invisible there. Instead, the activity in our previous group carried on as usual. Lots of crap, fun and jokes.

Some of us hope that this sem would just pass quickly, in the hope that we would not need to suffer with our new groups as much. But I wouldn't know. Can we ever get back our old grouping?

That said, no matter which group we end up in eventually, we shall always have something in common: we were in Group E when we first entered med school, and we shall always remain as members of this group.

The bond we formed between us is something worth treasuring. It is not everyday that one gets friends and colleagues that can get you though thick and thin. A senior told us at the transition camp last time: you will always be closest to your first group. How true it is. A friend also commented the same. In her own words: "It was great being with each and every one of u people..gonna miss yal heaps.. like they said during transition, ur always closest at heart twith ur first group.. coz these were the people who healped u get thru the initial stumbles in MBBS..thank u guys. and good luck with ur new groups.. enjoy sem2 as much as we did in sem1.. lotsa love.. =)"

Hopefully, the bond we now share shall continue growing stronger. And that we also manage to form similar bonds with our new groupmates. Maybe we will never be as close to our new groupmates as we were with our first groupmates. But at least we will be strangers no more.

Let's hope for the best, eh?