Sigh.

Life has been good to me so far.

Is it me who isn't taking the initiative to learn more? To gain more knowledge and experience?
Am I too lazy?
Or am I just plain complacent?

I'm starting to question whether I'm in the right course. Right, it may be a little too late for opting out, seeing as I'm already 4 years into the course. I've always thought that this is what I want to do with my life. A life of helping others. Sounds cliche, I know. But that is truly what I've always wanted.

But is this career for me?

People may think that I'm smart, intelligent maybe. Somehow, I don't see myself as that.

I don't seem to be able to remember much of what I study.
I don't seem to be able to answer a lot of the questions posed to me by friends, lecturers, patients even.

I've always admired those who can talk to patients well, able to explain their conditions to them, and have a ready explanation waiting for them when they ask questions. However, I seem to be very lacking in that area.

Not only that, I'm afraid of hurting the patients. Especially when it comes to performing procedures on the patient. I'm afraid that I would hurt the patient. I cannot exhibit confidence when performing procedures on patients. As a result, patients are reluctant to place their trust in me. Not that I blame them.

I really do admire those who exude confidence wherever they go. Talking to patients, explaining and answering the questions with no hesitation whatsoever, and performing with confidence and ease procedures they've never done before.

How do I gain confidence?

If I do no have confidence, how can I expect patients to place their trust in me?

Trust is so fragile. If they give me their trust, and yet I somehow unintentionally hurt them, how do I answer to that?

How?